TAMING TEN by Adebayo Caleb
It was my
day off and I was going to enjoy it.
Beaming all over, I helped my wife pack
her luggage into the boot of her Toyota Corolla. She was going to visit her
aunt in Shagamu who was just recovering from an illness and I, was just having
my first day off in months. My boss decided to finally give me one day off, due to heavy workload in
the past two weeks. Where I work, we’re made to work almost 20 hours a day, so
you can imagine what this day off meant to me. Not that I wasn’t making the
money, though.
The sound of the boot banging brought me
back from my thoughts. The entire luggage had been packed. I kissed Juliet
goodbye and she got into the car and drove off. I was really sorry I wasn’t
spending my day off with her, but it was nobody’s fault. My day off was
impromptu.
Now looking at the doorway to my house
on Lekki, I realised I had ten kids and all ten of them were home. For a moment
I wondered why. Frances, who is the first, is about ten, I guess, Charles is
nine, Victoria and Veronica, the female twins are eight, Stephanie is seven,
Daniel is six, the male twins, John and Jerry are five, Michael’s four and
Anita is three. Whew! Juliet did one hell of a job having these kids. And yes,
there was that ugly dog-Bark. How on earth could a dog be named Bark? What kind
of name was that anyway?
‘Alright kids, let’s go get breakfast.’
I declared. I was determined to slump into bed after breakfast and take a long,
nice nap. ‘Anita, why are you all not at school today?’ I asked the youngest as
she held onto me while I moved into the kitchen.
‘We’re on summer vac, Daddy’ she
shrieked.
‘Oh’, I thought. That meant I was going
to have to put up with ten kids and a dog for a whole day. I decided to fix
whole wheat bread and egg sauce for breakfast and had just started when the
twin boys ran into the kitchen.
‘And Daddy, mum said I will take piano
lessons this summer vac,’ John spoke
‘No, mum said I would be taking piano lessons,’ Jerry retorted.
They argued about who would take what
lessons for at least a minute until I had to intervene
‘You are both taking piano lessons, boys.’
That seemed to do it and they both left.
I was just halfway through the
preparation of the egg sauce when I heard a loud squeal from the living room,
then a bang and a crash. I turned down the gas stove and went into the living
room where the noise came from, to find the twin boys and Michael sprawled on
the rug with loads of building bricks scattered around them, while Charles was
running down the stairs with a Batman mask.
‘Charlie,’ I called, ‘will you cut that
out?’ That was definitely not a question. ‘John, Jerry, pack up your toys now.’
‘They’re not toys; they’re billing
briggs,’ screamed Anita.
‘Not billing briggs, Anita, building
bricks,’ Stephanie giggled
‘I’m starving!’ Daniel called from where
he sat reading a comic
Just then, Bark came running into the
kitchen, nose in the air. He almost toppled me over as he made for the cabinet.
Immediately I called for Frances to get the dog out of the kitchen. After that
I called the girls to help me set the table and serve breakfast.
Sitting at the table, all twelve of
us--including Bark--I was glad breakfast was finally served and apart from
three spilled glasses of milk and Anita’s bread that Bark gulped down,
breakfast went by uneventful.
After breakfast, I told Frances and the
twins to clean up while Stephanie and Charles did the dishes. Glad I could
finally take my so desired nap, I made for the bedroom. I was barely halfway up
the stairs when I heard voices from the kitchen and then a shattering sound. I
knew at once that at least one of our china was broken. All I asked was for two
kids to put the plates in the dishwasher we owned. It was that simple.
‘Frances’, I called from where I was,
‘who broke what?’ Big mistake. I heard five of my ten kids talk all at once. I
couldn’t make out a word. I sighed heavily and moved into the kitchen. As
expected, I saw pieces of china on the floor, shattered. I figured it should be
between two and three.
‘Charles’, they were really getting on
my nerves now ‘what happened?’
Charles and Stephanie started talking.
‘Quiet!’ I screamed so hard, even I was
stunned ‘Charles’
Seeing I was serious, he began to
tremble
‘I…I was getting the dishes out of the
washer, and Steph was saying to be the one to get the china with the teddy bear
drawing on it, while I got the ones with the flowers and I wanted to get the
ones with the teddy, so…’
I cut him off. ‘How many did you break?’
‘I didn’t break…she broke…we broke…we
broke two, I think.’
‘Okay’, I dished out judgement ‘I guess
I should be pretty mad at you guys, but not really, considering you’ll have to
clean up this mess and get no more allowances till those plates are paid for
and from now on you’ll both eat off plastic plates.’ Their faces fell and I
felt good with myself. ‘Now’, I declared ‘Daddy wants to get some rest and does
not need any noise. You may play or watch TV but keep it quiet, okay?’
‘Yeee!’ Anita exclaimed. I didn’t know
if she understood what I just said. I ran upstairs anyway and took a cool
shower and was getting ready to lay down when I heard a loud squeal, footsteps
running, laughter, more delighted squeals, and a thud. I shrugged and tried to
ignore it, and then I heard voices.
‘Mom usually does it this way.’ Michael
‘No she uses a mop bucket.’ Stephanie
‘And soap.’ Victoria
‘That’s only if the floor is dirty.’
Veronica
‘The mopper is so heavy.’ three year old
Anita
‘Cool, the floor looks so different.’
Jerry
‘It’s like white clay.’ Daniel
‘No, no, Bark, get away.’ Charles
Now I was getting curious. Something
fishy was definitely up and I had to go downstairs. Now I was determined to
tame these kids because only then could I get my sleep.
In the living room, I found Frances
sprawled on the sofa with a Bluetooth device on her ears; she was listening to
the new iPod Juliet got for her and I knew she just couldn’t hear the noise,
while John sat in front of the T.V which was turned to the highest volume. I
saw the other kids gathering in the kitchen like they were watching a circus.
Getting into the kitchen, I realised it was really a sight to behold. A half
empty bag of flour lay on the kitchen floor, with its other half turned into
sticky paste all over the rest of the floor. I rubbed my hand on my forehead
while eight of my kids and a dog covered in flour paste stared at me. Quickly,
I felt it was safer for me to try to recreate what happened here in my head
than to try eight kids-and a dog. I
figured they had been playing ‘pursue’ and feeling good about it until someone
ran into the kitchen and toppled a bag of flour, then they had tried cleaning
it up with a wet mop. I later learnt I was correct about it. I immediately got
Frances with the rest of the kids to clean up the mess properly and clean up
the dog too, while I made John turn down the T.V.
Having learnt from my mistakes and
determined to tame my kids, I asked each of them what they wanted to do for the
day. Even John was excited about that. Anita and the twin boys settled for
building blocks and dollhouse dress up which I made them do in the recreation
room, Michael and Daniel decided to play their newest Xbox, the twin girls and
Stephanie wanted me to read them some horror and mystery stories which I did,
while Frances and Charles played scrabble. Bark’s favourite child was Vicky so
he sat by us the whole while we read stories though it was kind of weird having
that dog near me.
So while everybody played, I read the
girls-and the dog-stories, putting in a lot of drama while periodically
checking on the others, especially those in the recreation room to make sure
all was good. At lunchtime, the girls and I fixed a tasty lunch of spaghetti
and gravy, and then I treated them to ice cream for dessert. After that we all
watched some TV, played cards and chess and we even played hide-and-seek,
though it seemed I was always the first one to be found.
At dinnertime, we (yeah, the twelve of
us) went to a Mexican eat-out not far away because the Chinese eatery we went
to did not allow dogs, and personally, I saw reason with them. At dinner, we
talked and made jokes and there were lots of laughter, and it seemed Bark
didn’t like Mexican food. Well, what did dogs know about nutrition? When we got
back, we were all exhausted and I had learnt a huge lot about my kids over
dinner-lots I didn’t know about them before, including pretty irritating things
about the dog. Tired as we were, we took turns in telling each person’s most
embarrassing moment and happiest moments too. I was glad to know that our
happiest moment was that moment we all sat in the living room, exhausted. Very
soon, all ten of them fell asleep. Bark and I helped tuck them into bed and
soon enough, Bark fell asleep too.
Now I was not only free, but I had
succeeded in taming my ten kids and a dog. Success at last, I thought, feeling
like Dexter in the cartoon network series. And what do you know? I think I was
even beginning to like Bark. I ran off to my room and slumped on the bed.
‘Sleep at last,’ I thought. ‘A will
definitely finds a way.’ I had tamed my kids.
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